Poetry to me is a way to release, yet disguise what I'm thinking and feeling. For a long time, I wrote because I wore a mask and hid the real me from everyone... including myself. Wordplay allowed me to dance around reality... a reality I avoided for various reasons (shame, anger, frustration, fear, to name a few).
"Staring into the void
I catch myself again and again
its darkness is haunting, but mesmorizing
Simultaneously pulling and pushing
I ebb and flow in response
The blackness erodes the world it touches
and as a result, the edge is closer than ever before
Each new day teases the urge
Each setback is another nudge
Could anything be worse than the daily sadness
Would the vacuum suck it all away
Or has misery had similar notions
Discarding it's remnants and polluting the afterlife
thus erasing the possibility of escape"
As the clumsy steps made way to dips and twists, I found I had a knack for mincing and melding words that I never knew I had. So, not only did I find a way to release stress and tension, I also found a way to foster creativity I sensed under the surface... but couldn't find an avenue for.
"Love is a demon I've come to hate
It teases my heart and spits in my face
Come here fool, see what I've brought you
a time bomb with feelings, meant to arouse you
open your heart and the countdown begins
it senses your lust, willingness to give in
When it rips you to shreds, don't be surprised
its actually the bastard love in disguise"
Like so many things, this bit of self-discovery had a sharp edge that cut when touched. As I attempted self-therapy on myself, as well as nurtured my newfound creativity, I caught myself trying to sink deeper to get closer to "reality".
Thankfully, I caught wind of everyone else's reality and saw that there were some obvious differences and stopped to wonder why my "reality" was full of dark days and bottomless pits and to others it provided daily reasons to wake up... with smiles nevertheless.
"A morning will come when I no longer run
i'll wake and greet everyone i pass
maybe they'll smile and maybe not
could be monday or friday, 1st or 31st
nothing will matter but the fact i'm alive
that day will come and i'll enjoy every breath
each moment as it occurs and not a second later
enough has been spent ruminating the past
so much wasted on the myth called maybe
yesterday's practice
tomorrow's a dream
take what you know and
make someday today"
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