Early to bed...

We all have our vices and I'm sure you'll agree that there are some worse than others. I get paid for sex, which when all is said and done, I would consider a vice. Why would I want to expose myself day-in and day-out to such a numbing experience, simply to make sure I have clothes on my back and a roof over my head.

In short, it helps me forget my other vices. I think that's an underlying reason why many of us do what we do. To compile a short list of minor vices of mine would take a minute or two, but this epiphany has taken years. It took form in the past few days as I've been thinking of bits to share and is coming out in a flood of emotions right now. I chew my nails, I lie, I cheat, I steal, I drink too much caffeine. Why? I'm nervous about yesterday's "john"'s wife walking in and catching her husband and I, as well as "john" looking for me after he's realized what I took as a souvenir... the latte I drank as I drove away covers the last item.

To forget said incident, I'll "work" tonight and take what life delivers. Today I wondered if this is what my path is? Vicing to forget my vices? Sinning to cover up my sins? To repent or not repent? Why bother when I'll start small again on my way out of church?

Not to look for any answers, so much as a starting point. One cannot change until they see what need's to be changed. And no, I don't intend to put away my heels after logging off and picking up a copy of the classifieds. I started this as a mental mirror to reflect on and see where the days take me... inside and outside my head. And as confusing as this blogging business has been to me... making time when I thought I had none, using creativity while fully clothed and choosing to let a part of me out that's been locked up for some time... it's certainly helped me see things in a new light. And (don't you hate it when people start sentences with "And"??) to really catch the moment... I've begun work on an anti-vice --> Sleep.