when simplicity isn't simple

its nearing the dusk of june. as the sun sets on the first half of 2009, i can safely share the facts to this point... a lot has happened and a lot has yet to occur. my "blogging" has taken a severe cut, however i've found a part of me that's been missing for some time. i often thought that the two would go hand-in-hand... the more i shared, the more i'd find out about myself; however such has not been the case.

the happiness i yearned for over the past few years has found a seat next to me and we're being selfish with each other, although not to the point where i only laugh in closets. moreso, when i say "selfish", i'm embracing the new/old me and not looking to lose myself in any misguided relationship, as i've done so many times in the past.

as i write this, i'm catching myself stumped for answers to this damning dillemma and can only summon this - i "simply" learned to accept myself and discover the wonders that people have been telling me about for some time.

i'm aware that this "simply" does not do justice to this period of self-discovery, but at this point of the journey, i cannot define a point where i crossed from A to B... it is just happening. with that said, i'm hoping that with so many things in life, hindsight will be my cliff notes for future reference.

2009 Resolutions

So as neophyte as I claim to be, I find myself continuously doing otherwise... in this example posting a list of new years resolutions. Well, then so be it and maybe you'll see a Rx for this in my list.

Another night with my "influence" and another blog... trend or just coincidence?? No comments yet, so maybe you're questioning the raison d'etre de c'est l'enfant? Split personality... curious yearning... plea for attention??? Whatever the reason, I have a voice and feel it worthy of sharing, so pass your judgement and read on (because I know you sick lil puppies are all waiting for the moment I go all "play-by-play" and talk about a day-in-the-life-of).

I've begun work on one goal and you're reading it. I share my thoughts and dreams with "Johns", however I'm sure you know how far that gets me. my dear monkie has given me the gift of the world. Even if I get no replies, I get a soapbox that I never had. When a gal spends a good part of her day looking up, she has a lot to think about. This platform allows me to get those grandiose thoughts out of my head and room to grow... and also allows me to cache those thoughts and back to the task at hand.

My second goal is to do more introspective spelunking. I know this collection will do so (granted I continue), however I want to expand on it exponentially by taking a step physically parallel to those done so mentally. I get out mainly to make ends meet. I have yet to truly explore this new community and my own world more so. As much as I enjoy the pleasure my profession provides, I yearn for a more complete fulfilling picture I know I'm currently missing.

Finally, I want to learn a new skill(s). I think this should be a goal for everyone, but I gotta start small, so I'll preach to my own choir before I enter your place of worship. Whether it be something as simple as re-discovering the art of parallel parking or something more grandiose, I want to push myself to new limits. Don't take this as a subtle dig to my profession, as I enjoy making a living doing what so many of you yearn for (and are willing to pay for). I'm reverting to my all-encompassing view in that we should all push ourselves to learn what so many of us already know. True cross-training. My crosshairs are dead set on candystriping.

Should this "experiment" continue, we'll all share in the daily fruit of a tart. The ongoing question being who benefits more.